that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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