i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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