You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
