new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
