eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
