my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
