i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
