I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize