My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
