So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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