lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
