So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
