I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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