I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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