Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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