Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
