I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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