I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize