He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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