when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
