Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
