After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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