why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas†quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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