I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
