i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
