after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
