Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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