it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
