Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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