I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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