i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
