would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
