I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
