he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize