drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
