how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
