Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
