Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just cropdusted the office
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
