my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
