remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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