You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
