We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
