If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
