You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
