the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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