Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
