Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
