she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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