Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I didn't notice because vodka
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
