Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
