That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
