Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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