Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
