I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
