apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
