I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
