I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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