we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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