ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
