i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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