she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
