You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
In America we eat man semen.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
