My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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