Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
