just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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