I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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