The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
