it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize