literally had 100 drinks last night.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
