It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
