I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
