Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
