I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
