Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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