Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
