You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The feeling are messing with the penis
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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