Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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