Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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