fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
