mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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