My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
