I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
