i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
