Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
