During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I understand Curling. That high.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
