Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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