i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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