I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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