never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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