How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
