The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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