So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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