In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
