Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize