the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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