I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
