My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
