I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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