I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
