I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
