There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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