I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
