i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
