Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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