I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The air taste purple.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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