frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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