that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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