You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize