How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
