butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
