she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
