i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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