; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
