i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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