I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
