end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
we're so committed to being not committed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
