Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
