I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
