i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
