like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
